This must be it; welcome to the new year. School’s back in session and I have a good feeling that this is my semester. And I’m going to try to make it my year as well. Rang in the New Year in Rome. It was pretty wild, I was scared for my life during multiple instances of way-too-close firework paraphernalia explosions. The night didn’t even get off to a good start, as me and my two roomies, Trish and Ilyssa, waited t h r e e , as in 3, hours for our group to get its act together. We didn’t leave the hotel room til past 11pm. What’s New Years without partying the hours leading up?! I was not too pleased with that. The excuse? “It’s hard to share one shower with 3 other people”. Really? Because my roomies and I were done in an hour and a half. Regardless, it was an okay night. Actually, let’s be completely honest. I was pretty miserable. Maybe it was partly my fault, but I could tell from there that I was not going to enjoy this trip at all. Nothing I can pinpoint, I just felt like I didn’t belong with the people I was with and the whole thing was kind of surreal. There were huge masses of people and I felt like just flying up and getting the fuck out of there. At first I was going to rehash the whole story about how mistreated me and my 2 roomies felt on this trip by one of our closest friends. But it doesn’t even matter. I could say that I’m disappointed but I’m not really. I know in my heart that I expect no better from people. I never think “This person will never do anything hurtful to me intentionally” anymore. I expect that eventually someone will show me that they’re not who I wish they were, and I’m cool with that, whatever. I accept people for the way they are, I have no problem with that, but that doesn’t mean I will respect them and want to involve myself with them. For instance, the girl who organized the trip, the “close friend”, her boyfriend SPIT at her during an argument after telling her to “Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch”. In what realm is that acceptable behavior? Even IGNORING the boyfriend/girlfriend factor, what normal person spits at another being? Maybe I’ll get more detailed about this subject in the future, but for now I’m over it. I’ve been feeling kind of lonely lately. Which I don’t like, because I’m fine with being alone. I mean not for the rest of my life obviously, just for the time being. It’s just that everyone around me doesn’t understand that, and when they’re single they’re constantly looking for the next thing. But what is the rush? Why is being in a relationship the ultimate goal for people? Why can’t they be happy on their own? And it’s leaking into my brain! Because everyone else makes that socially normal, I feel like I’ve gotta think that way too, and feel ashamed that I’m single. It’s getting to me! I guess it would be nice to have someone but … I’m really picky. Not in the way that I’m going to reject people for minute things, but in the sense that if I feel that there’s not a substantial connection with someone, why would I waste our time? Alright I’m not focused on this. I’ll try again in the near future. Hopefully. I’m just such a procrastinator.
