nail biting. January 28, 2009

Why can’t I stop? It must end!! My poor cuticles are cracking and hurty and it needs to go away! Damn my oral fixation!

In other news, my tiny little self is all moved in and settled in my tiny little apartment in my tiny little city. Fresh starts are so good for the soul. You’d think I’d be out partying and roaming around and meeting new people. But I don’t really feel like it. Maybe it’s too cold. Maybe I’m too boring. It’s probably the latter. But it’s totally fine by me; I’ve got my nice big comfy bed to make me happy in the pants. 

I’ve recently become obsessed with grocery shopping. I really don’t know why. It’s something I can do all by my lonesome without feeling like I’m the last god damned (single) person on earth. Sometimes I even buy things in 2’s so that the cashier doesn’t feel bad for me. For instance, if I buy a little bottle of chocolate milk.. I add another to the cart so it’s not so fucking pathetic. 

And since I’m apparently an insomniac for this night alone, I have spent time planning out this week’s meals. Ravioli, chicken parm, tacos, chicken stir-fry with rice. I have no clue why I’m clueing you in on my food choices. But do with it what you will. 

I think I’ll blog more now that I have so much free time. Yeah, yeah, I’ve said it plenty before. But I really am fucking bored these days! I desperately need to find myself a job, lest I fall in with the worthless ingrates that make up 2/3 of the population. Or “poop”ulation, as my subconscious mind would have me type. 

 

There I go, picking at my cuticles again.

Night.

satan’s fruit. January 14, 2009

Strawberries… They just don’t make sense. Every fruit I know of houses their seeds inside. Not only is that method more practical, it’s also just a matter of class. Strawberries are the sluts of the fruit world. They are literally naked, showcasing all their reproductive goods on their exterior for all the world to see. How tacky is that? I refuse to consume a food substance that so freely takes part in such debauchery. 

 

But even further than their apparent slutbaggery, what is the POINT of exterior seeds? What other fruits’ seeds do we normal people consume? None. Not apples’, not oranges’, not peaches’, watermelons’… in fact, “seedless” is regarded as a positive, and a luxury, amongst the produce aisles at your local grocery. Why on EARTH do we eat strawberry seeds!!! Why did our mothers never warn us to not swallow those little buggers, for they shall grow into a strawberry plant right inside our little tummies? Our parents did us a severe disservice in neglecting to address this horrific danger. And we trusted them.

 

I rose above this injustice. I refuse to eat those assholes. Aside from when they practice their whorish trickery and mask their true identity within the confines of those delicious chocolate shells.