stagnant. August 20, 2008

Lack of entries means lack of interest in my own life. 

 

NOTHING. HAPPENS. TO. ME. 

 

I guess we could go on the theory that things don’t happen to people, but that people make things happen. But honestly, who has the energy? It’s exhausting enough to lead an uninteresting life. Or maybe I’m just fucking lazy. 
Either way, nothing substantial to report on. And every time the version of me that walks around in my mind stumbles upon a solid thought, I always forget what the thought was before I can blog about it. I could be making dangerously witty insights about the human condition, and nobody will ever know! 

 

I will soon write my opinions of some of the books I’ve been reading and movies I’ve recently checked out. Yeah. That should do it.

 

(The real reason I’m speechless is probably because most of my thoughts have strayed into FEELINGS OF LOVE TOWARD WORK GUY. I AM ENAMORED. I’VE FORGOTTEN WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE, AND IT’S NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE INSTEAD OF SOMETHING (or idea) TAKE UP YOUR BRAIN POWER.)

swooning like a schoolgirl. July 31, 2008

Oh geez.

It has happened again.

 

I’ve gone and done it. After, well, so long a time that I’d rather not specify, I’ve finally found a male that even remotely fits my description of decent. I’m really choosy with who I invest any sort of interest in, but when it happens, it fuckin happens. Problem is, we work together. I’m an intern and he’s a full timer. And aside from small things I get to work with him on, which are probably over for the most part . . . there is no communication lol. But he’s just so chill, and I really like his aura, and from what I see he’s definitely someone I want in my life, especially in that “other half” sort of position. 

 

That’ll all have to be figured out I guess. In other news, I’ve heavily taken up guitar again and am showing considerable progress. Granted, I don’t usually choose the hardest of songs to learn. My latest was Doin’ the Cockroach, by Modest Mouse. Amazing song, and fun to play. And dance to of course.

I’m growing more and more interested in Modest Mouse by the second. I cannot stop listening to them! Isaac Brock creates this sort of eerie, enchanting, fantastical world in many of his songs. Whenever I listen to Modest Mouse I’m thrown into this realm where everything is midnight blue and glowing silver by the moonlight. 

 

I also just finished watching This Is Spinal Tap for the umpteenth time. The Stonehenge piece ALWAYS. MAKES. ME. LAUGHSOMUCHICRY. Pure genius. 

It kept my mind off of the inevitable sadness that comes with crushing on someone you probably won’t get the opportunity to build anything with.

sidelines June 10, 2008

A couple days ago I decided I should watch more music videos, and chose to view Modest Mouse’s Little Motel for the first time. I have not stopped thinking about it since. It is quite possibly the saddest and most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Since then, I’ve rewatched it two times, and have cried like a baby all three. And what makes me more sad than anything was that I don’t cry about anything that goes on in my physical, personal life. I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry. It took a depressing video about a child dying and his mother dealing with it in her own way to get any sort of emotion out of me. And that’s sad. I’ve become cold and emotionless, and I’ve consciously made myself this way. I don’t let anyone near enough to my heart to hurt me. But pain is what makes us feel alive. Pain is what makes us real and human. And why am I cutting it out of my life? It’s not better to be a barren slab of flesh. I’m missing out on the bittersweet beauty of raw emotion, be it heartbreak, disappointment, longing, or anything on the sunnier end of the spectrum. 

 

I’m wasting my being. I saw an ad today that said “Life is not a spectator sport”. It’s time for me to get off the bench and jump in the game.

 

Happy viewing.

weathery perfection & mindless music May 26, 2008

I’ve been slightly slacking on my blogging lately. The weather’s just been beautiful, and it’s a pity to sit at home in the dark and type, instead of soak up every breathe of fresh outdoor happiness. Today I went driving aimlessly, picked up a buddy, went to the park for some baseball and basketball, drove around some more, BBQed at said buddy’s place, and then took a nice stroll around the neighborhood, which ended in spending some time sitting on buddy’s stoop. Yes. We sit on stoops in Brooklyn. The weather was absolutely perfect. Warm, sunny, clear skies, but not humid, and a little breezy at night. Bliss is the only way to describe it, really. Pure bliss.

 

In other news, I’d like to talk for a while about the sad state of the music industry. I won’t say there’s a lack of legitimately excellent musicians. What I will say, however, is that there is an influx of talentless, soulless, faux-musicians. I’m talking about guys that starts bands just for the perks; to be able to say “I’m in a fucking rock band!”, and/or to get the (illegally young) girls, and/or to make cash and live the life that everyone wants to live. I won’t name names. But I’m mostly talking about the trend of dancy powerpop. I’m all for dancing. I love dancing. In the shower especially. And I love music that makes me want to shake my butt (and awkwardly look for some sort of fitting hand/arm movement). But dancy powerpop that is being made popular by weak bands… it just gets under my skin. Music can make you wanna dance, but still be substantial. The majority of what’s out there is not. It’s completely unoriginal, uncreative, and you can see right through the layers of fluff to the truth that IT’S COMPRISED OF BUBBLE GUM MELODIES COVERING UP THE FACT THAT THERE’S A HUGE VOID IN THE MIDDLE. There’s no soul, there’s no heart anymore. It’s just a mosh up of funky beats put together with absolutely no passion, and only made in the first place so that these beats get stuck in your head and you buy the band’s flimsy record and pay for their hair dye and green tea. 

Though I’ve only got a measly twenty years under my belt, which makes about … maybe 17 of coherence, I’m pretty positive that this has gone on with music for decades. I’m not expecting to like everything. That’s not my issue. What my issue is, is that I at least expect musicians to want to gain my respect. Put forth something that you poured yourself into. Show me something that I can see YOU in. Don’t pass off some bullshit power mix with no meat as music. That’s not music, that’s not art. That’s the pretty but stupid girl at school that all the boys wanted to be with, WERE with, and then realized that beneath the appealing surface there was nothing there. 

Music should evoke some sort of emotion within listeners. It should stir up something, anything. The worst thing for a song to do is make someone indifferent towards it. To feel it’s mediocre. It’s better to completely hate something than to be like “This isn’t even good enough for me to formulate an opinion on”. I love songs that make me think, I’m a huge lyric person, I love analyzing, ripping apart, whatever. But I also love music that I don’t need to think about. Men, Women & Children make me wanna DANCE! They are awesome. And they’re not trying to be something they’re not. They know what they want to do, and they GO for it. And even though there’s nothing really deep there (that I’ve found yet, at least), they are a legitimate band that I enjoy listening to and have tons of respect for. MW&C is completely different from the majority of shit that I’m addressing in this blog. What I’m saying is, basically, go big or go home, and make music for the right reasons. Make music because it’s what keeps you alive. Don’t decide one day, let’s be in a band, put together some crap melodies, pass em off as dance music, and be proud of it. DON’T be proud of just coasting through the music scene. That’s a disgrace. 

 

With that all being said, I appreciate that everyone has different opinions on what’s good and what isn’t. What I’m saying is, as a lover of music, you should consider which bands you support. Look past the crap and the bullshit and see music for what it really is. And this especially goes to teenage girls who look for as many bands as they can to be friends with on Myspace, and Sharpie their bodies with, and who’s the cutest guy in the band that they can hook up with after the show. That’s NOT what music is about. And you’d be way cooler if you went against the pack and actually listened to decent musicians. Know your stuff. Be open to genres you wouldn’t normally listen to. And make decisions on your own, not based on which band you think knowing will make you the coolest amongst your peers, whose opinions most likely suck. 

 

Grr. It just disappoints me is all. End rant.

 

Cheers. Kind of.

Into The Wild afterthoughts May 24, 2008

I was planning on blogging normally tonight, with a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but I just finished watching Into The Wild, and it blew my mind, and that’s really the only thing that seems to be important at the moment. It was incredible. I find myself questioning my own opinion, is it REALLY that great of a movie, Krista? But I guess what makes movies important to me are the reactions that they get out of me, what thoughts are conjured up inside my cloudy mind while viewing, and how it vibrates into my soul. Into The Wild was mind-blowing, in that sense. I love the idea. To be completely free, COMPLETELY. And just an individual. A tiny, tiny, microscopic individual in the great mass that is this earth, and at the same time, be so grand. To worry only about yourself, and to be able to take in every single spec of beauty that’s floating around amidst the chaotic mess we know as civilization. It’s insane, and in such a good way. To think that it’s actually in our roots to be living off the land. Fuck material things. Fuck classifications, fuck technology. Fuck every single thing we as humans had to make up words for. And just go back to our roots, to be one with nature, and to experience the mental and physical revelation that maybe nothing we have been working towards as a society matters. Maybe there’s something bigger that we’re all overlooking. But it’s an individual thing. I would love to be completely alone, and to fend for myself, and to feel like a human fucking being, living the way that we maybe were meant to be living. 

 

The reality is, I hate bugs, I would never be able to kill the food I was about to eat, and I’m a New York City bitch. But I would LOVE. I would love to be able to not care and to let the invisible forces work their magic on me. And I’m curious as to how far I would actually be able to go, if I took the first step. If my life depended on it, would I be able to fend for myself? It is WILD. It’s a wild, wild thought. And this seems so important to me right now. But it goes further than the fact that I just saw it handled in a movie. Way further than that. I always think that there has to be something more, you know? There has to be something greater than school and work and marriage. Why is our ultimate goal in life to have a good job, get married, buy a house, and have kids? That can’t be the only thing out there for us. Sure, it’s great, and it’s important. But life can’t end after that. It just can’t. Why do our lifelong goals not deal with us growing as individuals? Why are they always about acquiring things? I’m talking about taking journeys in your thoughts. I know most people would compare that to religion, but I’m not talking religion. More spirituality. More you, as a tiny little person, fitting into this enormous mass we call the universe, your role in it. Further, if you were the only person for miles and miles and miles, how would you make yourself happy? Can you only be defined by the people you surround yourself with? Can you sit down and appreciate beauty, real beauty, and focus solely on the incredible environment around you? Without worrying about how you’re going to pay this month’s cell phone bill, or what time you have to be up for work tomorrow? Is your mind free. I think that’s what I’m trying to get at. Are you content with the things you think about, and the thoughts you think about them. 

 

I can’t even .. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say right now. And maybe there are no words in the human language that describe this. Because I’m talking about feeling. Pure and unadulterated feeling. And some feelings are too good to be described, and naming them would take away the wave of unbelievable euphoria that crashes over us once we feel and once we know. But this is what a good movie does to me.